How to tell if the people you voted for will actually help you.

Their proposed tax plan or past passed measures include the words “more than”: No. They plan to help their friends, not you.

In my experience with people from the small religious towns near my city, they’re shocking shockingly good at compartmentalizing pain and waving away responsibility with explanations such as “God’s plan” or platitudes like “God never gives us more than we can carry.”

'Round these parts of Texas, people will tell you that if you feel like you’re carrying too heavy an emotional or spiritual load, it’s because you haven’t noticed that Jesus is carrying it with you. You just need to lean on God (aka beg from your community). But if an unhoused person should ever repeat something like this, they’ll lash out for being godless and lazy.

Most of them will get past this just fine: their conscience is God’s problem.

But he’s wearing an ascot! Those are rich, dignified grays! You can tell he’s rich and cultured.

…Cuz of the ascot.

*Looking in the mirror after getting abandoned by another blind date who called him “shallow, bland, and aggravating” just before disappearing.*
“I have a good personality. An ascot is personality, right?”

I was gonna comment child sex trafficking, but pretty much the same idea.

But global warming is a hoax

Hey! I’m one of those!

An honest mistake that anyone could make

I was gonna say that you can’t just row across the ocean, but apparently you can.

If you gain the sponsoring for an ocean rowboat, you can then secure sponsorship for the 3-4 months-worth of food since restaurants and gardens are hard to come by in the ocean. I understand that fish live in the ocean, but fishing eats into your 17 hours per day during which you’ll need to row. Also, trying to handle fish on the open ocean in a small boat is an incredibly risky maneuver. Even worse, once you catch the fish, you gotta set your boat on fire so that you can cook it and not get parasites.

All told, it’s significantly cheaper to just fly, but that’s unhelpful advice to someone who just told you that they can’t afford to uproot their life and fly to another country. You might ask, how can you not afford that, and the problem is that hiking across countries smaller than my state gives you opportunities to work odd jobs in exchange for shelter, food, and money. But since planes and airports generally don’t hire random passengers, it puts you back in that “I’m fucked” boat that you suggested.

Also, all this is giving your unserious comment the credence that you weren’t talking about taking a gondola ride across the Atlantic.

Sure. We’ll just start walking from the American continents to… Well, fuck

Every time you try to use an augment, you have to roll for whether the company stopped supporting the product and bricked it.

It’s all fun and games until the attack dog bites its master

It’s all part of God’sTrump’s plan

Everything up till this has been pretty ambiguous. But this one… This is the one that’ll make people squint and ask “was that really necessary, now?” Some might even wag a finger.

Bill Hicks: I guess that could work too

I’m doing my didn’t!

Remember when they were all screaming and crying about HIPAA with COVID vaccines?

The second one looks like the first one’s mugshot

Oh! Yes. I thought you were saying that Mel Brooks was Pizza the Hut. But now I get it.

Q. Where tf did you find this monstrosity
A. Mel Brooks('s mind)

Sorry, I got my Schwartz twisted

Dom DeLuise*

It even says it on the wiki you linked